P&H café passes state health inspection. Customers do not.

The P&H cafe is like Pandora's box... if Pandora kept her cigarettes in the box.

The P&H cafe is like Pandora's box... if Pandora kept her cigarettes in the box.

The P&H café on Madison Avenue has had its business license renewed after passing a random health inspection on Tuesday afternoon. The state inspectors awarded the local bar 4 out of 5 stars citing only minor room for improvement.

Henry Goodell, a local officer for the Tennessee department of health stated ‘We were very impressed with the facilities that the P&H café had to offer, the food was prepared with a high standard of cleanliness and the beer lines are cleaned twice as often as needed. The bathrooms were admittedly bizarre and disconcerting but not in any violation of recognized code.

It was not all good news at the popular dive bar however, as state officials ordered the removal of a number of the bar’s patrons for ‘not meeting the minimum hygiene standards required of Tennessee residents. Goodell stated ‘We were aware of a very unpleasant smell during the inspection, and were very concerned. However, after investigation we located its origin to a young man whom referred to himself as an artist’

‘Bill Truss (26) or ‘Zola XXX’ as he prefers to be called, is an ‘artist’ in the midtown area. When asked to provide evidence of his occupation, he could only provide Memphis Today Tonight with abstract concepts. Speaking about his poor hygiene he said ‘I’m a creative and that impacts all areas of my life, it’s a part of the process’

After detaining Mr Truss, the inspectors examined 34 other customers and found that all but 3 violated ‘basic human decency’. Offending individuals were removed from the premises and taken to a specialist state facility in Knoxville, where they will be rehabilitated and released as accountants. Asked if this would solve the problem Mr Goodell was skeptical. ‘I hate to say it but we are dealing with a symptom of a larger problem. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a new batch of deluded creatives smoking around the pool tables by next week’

Mark Brimble is a Memphis Comic and performing member of Comma Comedians. Follow him on twitter @brimmmers

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