John Calipari referencing the song 'post to be' by Omarion.
The former University of Memphis Coach returns to bluff city this Friday for the South Regional Sweet 16 matchup between the Kentucky Wildcats and the UCLA Bruins. Coach Calipari knocked up 252 wins in his tenure with the tigers, and at one point was a beloved figure. Residents worshipped Coach Cal like a deity and some named pets and/or children after the man that led Memphis to the 2008 NCAA final.
Times change however, and now Calipari is a figure of revulsion in the city. Calipari’s Memphis team was investigated in 2009 following the discovery that Derrick Rose played whilst academically ineligible. It wasn’t that though. It was that he left. For Kentucky. Since then there has been no forgiveness: Even as recent as last year a dinner in his honor was cancelled after a backlash from tigers fans.
A bizarre interview with Bill O'Reilly didn’t help either.
So if you are a Bruin’s fan for the day, or want to vocalise your displeasure for one of history’s most infamous traitors, then our guide for the top places to boo John Calipari is for you!
#5 - Celtic Crossing
The Irish pub on Cooper Street is the perfect place if you want to be loud, raucous and foul mouthed about your distaste for Calipari. With a number of TV’s all throughout the establishment, you can perch yourself up at the bar and talk about ‘how that investigation wasn’t warranted.’ or head out to the patio and scream ‘All the other schools were doing it anyway.’ Despite usually being set up to show the superior sports of soccer and rugby, they are always willing to accommodate enthusiastic fans of any sport. Remember your UCLA gold and blue colors!
Top Tip: Rugby is #1 here, so tell the owner you think Tadgh Furlong earned his place in the Lion’s squad after this years 6 nations.
#4 - Hooters
Want to make the waitresses feel more uncomfortable than usual? Add to the effect of your lecherous glares by screaming at the big screen whenever Coach Cals face is shown. You may be able to see his face in such detail that the memories start flooding back. Hooters Memphis is in the heart of downtown and so when you are done with the game you can celebrate a win for your beloved Bruins on Beale street.
Top tip.. For better service , look at her sad sad eyes, not the eyes of the owl.
#3 - Newbys
What better place to get into the anti-calipari spirit than Newby’s. This hangout is right next to the University of Memphis, so if it’s authentic frothing anger you’re after then you can do so surrounded by college aged kids who probably don’t go to tigers games because they ‘never win anything’
Top tip: Say you are Derrick Rose to get cheaper drinks.
#2 - The FedEx Forum
If you’re feeling flush, why not buy tickets to the game. That way you can celebrate every Bruin’s bucket and shout obscenities during quieter moments in a way that might actually influence the outcome. John Calipari might think of Memphis as home court… but your guttural yelps can tell him otherwise.
Top Tip: Learn from the best and start an offensive chant
#1 - Cal’s Championship steakhouse.
Our top spot on this list goes to Cal’s championship steakhouse. Formerly situated on Sanderlin Avenue by the Malco Paradiso, the hearty meatery is a thing of the past. Driven out of business by a city blinded by rage, there is nothing left of the restaurant that bore the name of the biggest traitor since Judas himself left the Galilee trailblazers to begin coaching the Jerusalem stonethrowers. Treat this one like a drive-in and listen to the game on ESPN in the Paradiso parking lot.
Top Tip: Keep those windows up so moviegoers don’t have to listen to those tiger tears.
Really it's not important where you watch the game, what's important is your everlasting anger.
Mark Brimble is a Memphis Comic and performing member of Comma Comedians. Follow him on twitter @brimmmers
For more articles follow Bluff news on facebook.
