Memphis, TN- A group of dexterous cows can be seen on Union avenue and throughout the city vandalizing billboards and persuading all people to eat “chikin.”

It is known that the majority of cows can neither speak English, nor write it. However, these cows seem to have a heightened prefrontal cortex, allowing them to read, write and develop a strategy for their self-preservation. A farmer in Boliver wishing to remain anonymous identified the cows as his own, saying, “Those are my smart cows and they need to get back in my whatyurcallit.”

The renegade cows have been responsible for all kinds of propaganda intended to attract attention toward the chicken community.

“We walked into their rooms and flipped up their ears to whisper to them everyday--it’s you or chicken.”, stated Chic-Fil-A advertising executive Zachary Hinkle.  “Whether that caused the cows to do this or not is really anybody’s guess, but what’s important is they started showing great motivation. We’re all really proud.”

The cows are on record proselytizing with phrases such as “Eat MOr chickin”, “Chikin WInz by A mile” and “We are very much supportive of the biblical definition of the family unit.”

“I’m surprised they were able to get up there and paint at all,” says Bonnie Thurland, a patron of Bellevue Baptist Church, “It truly is a blessing.”

We have yet to reach “chikin” for comment.

Sammy Anzer is a Memphis Comic and performing member of Comma Comedians. Follow him on twitter @senor_Suavs. 

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